


It Was All A Lie

by Fafsernir



Series: Torchwood Prompts [6]
Category: Torchwood
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Minor Character Death, Past Suicidal Thoughts, Secrets, Sequel, Torture, no torchwood, superpower au, they all have powers, way darker than the first part
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-21 15:22:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 19,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7392901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fafsernir/pseuds/Fafsernir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Sequel of That's A Promise) Two years have passed since Ianto joined the team. They moved to a new city, they learnt how to work together, they became friends (well, mostly), but don't they all have secrets? Some are just more dangerous than others, like Owen's. Some are just painful, like Ianto's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Life Is Not that Bad

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back!! (with a broken heart, maybe, and it might be because of Broken, but who knows? Beh, not me! (Listen to it.))  
> So, I'm finally posting the sequel of That's A Promise. It is set two years after the last one and even though I wanted to write something about Owen, it turned out to be more about Ianto. But there's still a plot around Owen, I just... put a lot of Ianto in there. Oops. Looks like it's my favorite character.  
> I still haven't finished it and I'm not sure where this is going but I wanted to post it! Anyway, thank you for your support, I hope you'll like it!  
> As I didn't want it to be something right after That's A Promise and had initially planned it to be all about Owen, I actually haven't put a lot about the two years, (and not everything right away) but it's not needed for the fic. If you have questions though, I'd be glad to answer. And, last thing, the chapters would be shorter than before.  
> (also, read the tags for warnings)  
> (Every mistakes are mine, I'm not a native speaker and my beta is sometimes tired when reading my fics :D (luv' you))

Owen looked at the view his new flat offered and had a small smile. Okay, nice. He didn't regret buying it.

He had a huge window, allowing him a direct view of the bay and beyond. Cardiff wasn't as awful as before, with this new acquisition.

Though, he still missed London. They had moved in Cardiff two years before, and it was what it had taken for Owen to be able to buy a proper flat. He had first been in a collocation with Gwen, which was the worst idea ever – no, moving to Cardiff was way worse – because each time they would argue (which meant, a lot, considering both their behaviour), Gwen would use her power to cut the power off when Owen was taking a shower. And Owen would freak her out or play pranks with his ability to change his face.

It had been fun, but not for long, and he had quickly abandoned the idea to take a flat on his own, but a small one. Now he had a huge one and even if he was living alone, it felt good to have that much space.

But still, he hated Jack for making them officially settle in Cardiff. And the Doctor had been happy about his initiative...

Owen grumbled to himself, remembering Jack from two years ago. Being captured had changed him, especially because of Ianto's presence. Owen didn't like him. Well it was not that he hated the young man or anything, more like he didn't really mind his presence but felt as good when he wasn't around. Truth be told, he was pretty scared of his power. It was dangerous for all of them to have someone who could suppress their powers, or who was pretty vulnerable, and Ianto was both.  
He sighed, disappointed in himself for thinking about this rather than anything happier, such as the view, his job mostly satisfying, his new flat, his quite good one night stand the day before... No, really, his life was quite good if he were to be honest. Nothing was ever perfect.  
But again, why was he even thinking about this? He usually didn't care much, he was efficient in his job though complaining a lot, he did it and that was it. Lately, he seemed to like his routine, and seeing the team every time, and working for Jack... it made him feel at home, finally. With people he sometimes hated as much as he loved, but that was the cons of spending the entire day together (and it was essential in a good friendship for him), a flat he was now quite happy about...

Really, Owen had nothing to truly complain about - though he still complained a lot but he was just being himself. He was fine, everything was fine, he thought when he opened his mailbox. Well, not quite right away because some paper couldn't do any wrong, but the content of one could.  
When he read it, he decided to ignore it. Everything was fine, right? Nothing to worry about.

He ran back to his flat, threw the one paper on some table, and left in a breath. He managed to forget about it while at work, enjoying a new fight between Jack and Gwen that always ended the same way since Ianto was in the team. Gwen yelling, Jack shouting back, Gwen wanting to cut the power off of his computer and Ianto throwing a warning look at her. She would usually stop there and storm out the office. Except that Ianto had said or done nothing to defend Jack and Gwen was even more pissed off than usual, so was Jack (Owen's bet was that he and Ianto had had some sort of a fight though he had never seen them fighting) and it had ended up with Gwen throwing a mug across the room. She obviously had tried to electrocute Jack, but this time Ianto had reacted and shouted. For the first time in his time here, he had yelled in front of the whole team. And it was efficient, as everyone had stopped dead in what they were doing, Tosh and Owen as well, to look at Ianto as if he were some kind of an alien. It had been fun to see Gwen and Jack apologize with great shame to a 21-year-old when they both were older. Ianto had prevented Gwen from using her power again the whole day, saying that even if Jack could heal, he could still feel the pain and there were no reason to hurt him more. Gwen being powerless and speechless because of Ianto was the main (if not the only?) reason Owen really liked the young man.

When Owen got home, he forgot about all the fun when he saw the letter. He read it again, a lot, just to be sure that he hadn't dreamed. He clenched his fist on the paper, not caring about tearing the letter, and took his time to weigh the pros and the cons. He owed them his life, after all. It would erase his debt, definitely. Maybe he could do it one more time.

 


	2. Do it. Do it. Do it.

Owen had waited a day before coming to a decision. He wanted to get rid of them, and he knew it was the only way to do so. They were the only ones to know his mother was still alive and they had insinuated in a new letter that it was her, or the name. Only one last person. He could do it, he just had to forget about the team, forget about who he had become, he had to be what he had once been, so he wouldn't lose everything. He repeated that to himself as he was walking, a different face than his usual one on. The face he had always used for this.

He knocked at the door, because why bother breaking in when you could just ask to enter? And the poor woman let him in. He talked for a while, casually, still under cover, trying to sell something without a clue of what he was saying. Waiting, analysing, trying to hear if she was alone or not. Maybe trying to postpone the inevitable. When she asked him if he wanted to drink something, he nodded, asked for a coffee, and stood up when she was out the room. It was the perfect moment. The opportunity he had been waiting for. He could now either run through the door and throw his life away, or kill that last person and be done with them, forever.

When she got back, he hadn't moved from the room, and he hit. Or he tried to. He put an arm around her head, covering her mouth, his knife against her back, but he didn't quite push it. He felt the cloth tearing under the slightest pressure, but the woman didn't even try to defend herself. She froze, didn't even let go of her tray, and looked at something, alarmed. Owen knew what she was looking at, but he checked anyway and he saw the photo of the woman and her family. The woman and her children. All happy, all smiling, all very much alive and glad to be, enjoying the time they had in their life.

_Fuck_ , he thought as he closed his eyes, his grip tightening on both the weapon and the woman. _Fuck fuck fuck._

“Mom?” A small voice called from upstairs. “You said you'd read us a story.”

“She'd read YOU a story, I don't want one!” A second voice, stronger, said.

“You love mom's stories!”

“Liar.”

“You're the liar!”

“MOM! She called me a liar!”

“You started!”

And they went on for a while, alone, upstairs, and Owen could feel the woman shaking. He then felt tears on his arm and he drew in a deep breath. He couldn't. Not any more. He was done with this life, had been for a long time. She had done nothing wrong. She didn't deserve to die. Why was he obeying orders? Why was he asked to execute her? Why was he rebelling only now?

When the tray finally hit the ground, the children stopped arguing and ran downstairs. Owen heard them but disappeared before the woman could do anything.

He ran back home, still without his usual face on, threw his knife in the wall and his jacket on the sofa, then took the paper, damaged by his clenched fist the day before. He flipped it over and wrote something at the back, then ran out of his flat to leave the note somewhere he knew they would see it. At least he hoped they still were controlling the place.

“ _I won't do it ever again. I paid the price a long time ago._

_Fuck you”_

He had added the last sentence at the very last second, and decided to wander in the city afterwards, trying to realize what he had just done.

 


	3. Help Me Get Out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yooohooh! Hello!  
> I wanted to thank my beta, Moranginette (try to say that correctly, you english people (I'm sorry I'm tired)) who's putting up with my complaining while she has no idea of where this story is going because I refuse to tell her anything. hahaha... :D  
> Anyway, I'm still lost in my feels, I'm still not over Broken, and I took 5 hours of my life to make a transcript of it and that was so painful, I don't regret any of this. (at least I got the poodle part thanks to this. I had no idea they had said that, that was fun! (eww)) Also I've realised it was a masterpiece hahah; listen to this, Ianto is badass (and broken, but heyyy, aren't we all?)

Ianto cursed as he bumped his head against the cupboard's door that should have been closed. Jack's head soon appeared through the kitchen's door.

“You okay?” He asked, way too concern for just a small hit.

“Brilliant,” Ianto mumbled back, failing at sounding casual.

“No, I mean, are you okay, okay?” He asked as he walked entirely in the room.

“What do you mean okay, okay? I'm fine, you just forgot to close the damn door,” he sighed, exasperated. And they had just come home.

“We've just arrived, I was still in the hallway... and I mean exactly that. Are you feeling okay, lately?”

“Yeah, sure, why?” Ianto lied, still rubbing his head. He closed the cupboard and went to the bedroom, purposely avoiding and ignoring Jack who followed him after a few seconds only.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I'm just tired. Can we please go to sleep?”

“I'll be right here, I just have a thing or two to do,” Jack said, leaving the room. He went back right away, and put his hands on Ianto's cheeks so he would look at him. “You know I'm here if you want to talk,” he stated more than he asked, kissing Ianto lightly on the lips. He smiled when he pulled back, trying to look confident and to reassure Ianto, who nodded and put his hand on his left wrist.

“It's not you,” he finally whispered, avoiding Jack's eyes. “Just... not your fault.”

Jack's smile grew bigger as he nodded, then kissed Ianto one last time before leaving him alone.

Ianto took a deep breath and sat down on the bed. He slowly undressed and hesitated, then headed to the bathroom, thinking it couldn't do any wrong.

He was tired, lately. He wasn't getting that much sleep, watching Jack sleep half of the night before he himself was able to rest. And the nightmares came as soon as he was asleep. It had been okay for a moment, he was finally free from the place he had been prisoned in for nine years and it had been perfect, with Jack, seeing his sister again – even if learning both his parents had passed away while he wasn't there had been tough –, having the others – especially Tosh... It had been great, but it now felt like he had never left. Maybe he never would. Maybe spending all these years in this nightmare had been enough to trap him in it forever, maybe he would never be able to feel fine because he still woke up at night, internally screaming, heavily sweating, with the feeling that someone had just given him an injection. He would scratch his arm every time, trying to shake off the feeling, then stare at the ceiling, awake until sleep would accept to take him back, and it would repeat itself, every time, every night.

And nothing was helping, not his sister, not Jack, not even his psychologist. He knew he should probably talk about it to someone, other than the latter, he should seek for help, but he didn't want to annoy people with his problems. Jack had been through enough for him, he had made a lot of sacrifices. He had freed him, he had moved in Cardiff for him, he had taken care of him, he was caring for him, he was doing everything he could so he would feel all right, so he would feel at home, feel loved. And the same went for Rhiannon. They both were helping without knowing, just by giving love and especially because Ianto loved them both, even if he had never said it to Jack. Not that he didn't really believe it, but he didn't really see the point in saying it, Jack must knew it, right? After all, he had never said it as well.

Ianto sighed, cut the water which was getting too cold, and quickly dry himself. He got back to the bedroom, noticing he still had wet hair with a pout to himself, and stopped when he saw Jack standing, his arms crossed on his chest, a too serious face on. What was happening? Had something gone wrong? Was he going to say they were breaking up??

“You should probably sit,” he said with a soft voice, and Ianto didn't move.

 


	4. Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I got a lot of comments last night on my works and that really motivated me!!! So thank you everyone, it truly helps us to have any comment! :)  
> \- As a French I can now say I'm very proud to have written déjà vu in a fic in English! :p -  
> Oh (sorry, again) last thing : I've updated the tags recently, please do read them. This story gets really dark at some point

Owen lain in his bed, his arms outstretched, staring at the ceiling. More like staring back at his life. When had it become this? Hiding, running away, fucking things up. He was dead. He had made a big mistake. But he hadn't been able to just murder someone. He had never enjoyed killing, he had just been doing his job to pay his debts to the people who had dragged him out of the dust, who had saved him, who had fed and welcomed him. It had taken him a while to understand what he had signed up for, and even more time to run away from it. Nobody knew about his past, and he would have loved to keep it that way. But it was too late now. Maybe he could ask for help. But it would mean being totally honest to deserve it, and he knew nobody would help him if they knew.

_Fuck this_ , he thought. Just when everything seemed fine, just when his life finally had a meaning for him, just when he had friends, a job, a family, a home.

 

He eventually went to work, way later than usual, probably looking like a zombie. Not that he cared, he didn't have much time left after all, had he?

Tosh questioned him, he didn't answer. Instead, he noticed the absence of coffee and of Jack. Which meant Ianto wasn't around. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it. Tosh and Gwen were working, so he didn't disturb any of them. He sat at his workstation but didn't really achieve anything.

When Jack returned, alone, he dismissed their questions about where the hell Ianto was. Gwen insisted, then let it go, but Tosh wouldn't let go and Jack gave a heartbreaking sigh.

“Someone broke in his sister's house, he's with her, happy?”

“What do you mean happy? My God, is she okay? Was it a thief? Do they know who it was?” Tosh asked, with a lot of other questions that had less and less coherence as she started worrying.

“Stop! I get it, Tosh,” Jack finally yelled. “It's just... Fear,” he continued with a softer voice, not wanting to take his stress out on Tosh who had asked for nothing and was just worried. “Someone tried to kill her, but he ran away. Nobody knows who it was. They have a blurry image of him, and she's trying to describe him, you could maybe help them. She's fine, she's just shocked. Ianto will come in later.”

He ignored her other questions and chose to retreat in his office. Owen watched him walked away, then shrugged at Tosh who was throwing him a questioning look. He stood up and warned them he was getting coffee for everyone at the nearest coffee shop as Ianto was usually the one doing the coffee here.

As soon as he was outside, he ran to the nearest alley, glad to be alone, and broke into tears. He hadn't cried in a while, but everything just seemed too much all of a sudden. He hadn't realised Rhiannon Davies was the name of Ianto's sister. For him, she was Rhiannon Jones, he hadn't ever taken the time to know more about her, not her background, not her family, not her brother, not her husband or children. The name was written, as well as the address and he hadn't really asked or searched, until he had been outside the front door with an unwelcome déjà vu. He had already been there, twice, and his doubts had been confirmed when he had seen the pictures, some of them with Ianto. That's why he hadn't killed her, why he had hesitated so much. He knew both Ianto's parents had passed away, even though it seemed like he forgot a lot, and he also knew Ianto had already suffered for longer than a lifetime. Even if he didn't particularly like the man, having a knife against his sister's back had changed everything. Maybe he liked him, after all. Maybe he liked his sarcasm, maybe he loved his coffee, maybe he liked having someone to take care of, maybe he liked his quiet presence. Yeah, he liked him. And it was so painful to realise it under such circumstances.

Running away had been a solution back in Rhiannon's house. It wasn't any more. He had to face the consequences. Eventually. Maybe. If he could only gather the courage to be honest. But he was weak, he was a coward, he had been his whole life. He couldn't bring himself to reveal his true self.

 


	5. Miss You

Ianto had lied to Jack, again. But he just wanted some time alone. First with his sister, as soon as Johnny and the kids had let them, to discuss with her. Then real time alone, walking in Cardiff.

They had talked a lot, Ianto directly asking her to describe everything, every details, to try and learn more, to help. It had just been painful, not the slightest helpful. She had been so close to death and there were so many things he hadn't said to her yet.

She already knew, had already guessed, but Ianto had said it anyway. He had admitted that he and Jack were together, and she had just hugged him and whispered in his ear that she already was well aware of it because she wasn't bloody blind. It had been a relief, really. It had made both of them smile, at least.

He hadn't said the other things. Not yet. She wasn't ready for this, and he wasn't ready at all to share this with her. She needed to know some other time what had truly happened to him – not in details, God no, he couldn't do that to her – since he had been kidnapped. He could tell some things, she deserved to know, had already asked a few times, in order to help him, but he had never let her know.

As he walked down some random Cardiff street, he wondered if he had made the right choices in his past. Then he realised he hadn't had much of a choice half of his life. But was he really happy with what he had now? Two years ago, he had been persuaded he would die alone in a cell, quite young. And now he was helping people, he was with people like him, he cared for others and others cared for him. But it hurt at the same time. He didn't remember that from childhood. Friendships, love, family. It hadn't hurt back then. Now he was an adult, and did that really mean that everything seemed harder and hurt way more? It didn't make any sense. He didn't understand how it could hurt, but he could feel it. Burning his stomach, like rats eating it, slowing his heartbeat or quickening it, both were painful for him.

 

He stopped at a graveyard and walked among the graves until he was able to remember where the one he was looking for was. He crouched down in front of the stone and smiled weakly.

“I'm sorry I didn't bring flowers. I came looking for answers, but I'm not sure it's the right place. I barely remember you two, but I know I always came to you for any problem, Mum,” he said, a finger on the grave. He then sighed and looked down at the ground, and closed his eyes, thinking rather than talking. He wasn't great at talking, had never been. But he let his mind drift, first thinking about his present and what he should do, then about his past. The few memories he had of his parents. He remembered being close to his mother, not so much to his father. But he still had been a father for him, even if not the greatest.

He laughed silently as he remembered going to his mother because this girl at school had kissed him on the cheek and wow, that was a big deal at that time, and thinking about where he was now – with Jack, a man, doing a lot more than just kiss his cheek – he wondered how they would have reacted. He didn't remember being raised by homophobic parents, but that didn't mean they would have accepted him, and if so, if they would have liked Jack.

For a time, he had blamed them; during his imprisonment. Then he had just missed them and would have given anything to be able to see them again. Not that he had a lot to offer at that time. Still now, he had nothing. And he didn't know if he still wanted to see his parents. He missed them, of course he did, but he didn't want them to know about what had happened to him.

No, of course he wanted to see them, forget about his problem, turn back in time and live differently, forget about this nightmare... And now someone was trying to take his sister away from him.

He clenched his fists and stood up, looking up at the sky. He smiled weakly, promised he'd be back, even though he hated coming here and avoided it as much as possible.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DID IT! I finished this fic, last night!  
> It was hard, and ugh, ew, I'm bad at endings, but I hope it'll be enough and answer most of the questions. Anyway, it has 18 chapters and I'm glad I managed to finish this.  
> Thank you for reading and keep the comments coming, it makes my day ;)


	6. I... Care For You.

When he got back to the team, Tosh hugged him right away and he awkwardly patted her back after two minutes as she seemed to refuse to let him go. Gwen also hugged him, which was weird, especially considering how he had behaved the two previous days – she never liked it when Ianto was using his power to suppress hers – and Owen even nodded in his direction, though he looked like he hadn't slept in a month and was clearly avoiding any eye contact. Ianto went to Jack's office as soon as he could, and closed the door behind him. Jack was working on paperworks, but forgot about everything when he looked up. His face lightened up and a happy smile appeared on his tired face. He almost jumped on his feet and jogged to Ianto who laughed despite himself. Jack kissed him on the lips as a greeting then put his arms around him to hug him as the others had done. Lots of hugs in a very short time, Ianto thought, noticing he liked Jack's embrace more than anyone else. He closed his eyes and put his arms around his waist and his face on his neck, enjoying the moment.

Jack pulled back when Ianto started to cry. He took his hand and dragged him to his chair, but Ianto protested and shook his head.

“What is it Ianto?” Jack asked, not understanding his behaviour. “I'm just trying to help...”

“I... God it hurts... Do you have any painkillers? Anything? I'm sorry...”

“Don't apologize. And what hurts?”

“My back,” Ianto admitted in a whisper, wiping the tears away from his face. Since they had rushed to Rhiannon's last night, his back was hurting him. It happened sometimes, as if his scar suddenly woke up to make him suffer. He usually just let it pass, not knowing what to do, and refusing to talk about it.

Jack froze, and Ianto knew he would have to talk about it, one day. He had asked him only once, but his eyes were wondering every time he caught a glimpse of the huge scar that ran down Ianto's spine. But Jack just nodded and let him go to disappear from the office. He came back with a lot of things in his hands, and Ianto frowned.

“Take your shirt off.”

“Jack I...”

“Please. Let me see if it's okay,” Jack begged, concerned.

Ianto sighed and obeyed, taking his shirt off, turning his back on Jack and resting his hands on the desk. He flinched and hissed when Jack put a careful hand on his shoulder.

“Sorry.”

“Your hands are cold,” Ianto nervously laughed.

Jack kissed him on the shoulder and he relaxed a bit, only shivering when the hand returned to his back. Soon enough, he didn't mind the cold any more, and the feeling of Jack running his fingers on his back was relaxing. He clenched his fist but said nothing when Jack finally stopped avoiding the scar and touched it. He closed his eyes, trying to fight back the memories.

“Can I just ask one question?” Jack asked with tears in his voice and Ianto had to turn his head to look at him just to be sure. He didn't say anything when he saw Jack crying but nodded. Jack took a deep breath. “How old were you?”

Ianto stilled and waited a long time, then breathed out, a bit too quickly and harshly, and turned his head so Jack couldn't see him. Jack didn't press him, and Ianto turned again when he heard him opening something.

“It's just some cream. I'm not sure it can help, but it's worth a try,” Jack said when he noticed Ianto's tensed shoulders and his alarming look. He relaxed again and looked away when Jack put his hand back on his body.

“I don't really know,” he eventually said. Jack stopped for a second, but quickly resumed his work. “It was at the beginning, I must have been eleven.”

This time, Jack stopped but it took him more time to keep going. Ianto hissed as Jack was being rougher than before, and Jack apologized in a whisper.

“You never had the intention of telling me, did you?” He asked after a while.

“I don't know,” Ianto said with honesty. “I didn't want to talk about it.”

“But now you want?”

“I... I don't know. Maybe. But it's not... It's not something you want to know,” Ianto admitted, ashamed. Jack stopped again, his hands disappearing from Ianto's back. “I'm sorry I'm such a mess, and causing problems. It's just... a lot to bear sometimes. I wish I could talk about it, but you really don't want to hear everything and...”

“Stop talking,” Jack snapped even if he was trying to sound casual.

Ianto stopped, surprised by Jack's order. He gasped when a hand grabbed his wrist and turned him around, maybe a bit too harshly, but Jack was too angry and sad to control his emotions. Ianto had never seen him lost control, and it was confusing.

“I don't want you holding back. Ianto I... I care about you, more than you probably realise. If you need to talk, I'm here to hear. And nothing will ever be too much for me, I can take it, I can listen to your story. I just... I l... I just need you, okay? I need you to be happy 'cause seeing you happy... It's what makes my day, okay?”

Ianto stared at Jack, not knowing what to do or say. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out and he closed it again. Jack did everything, taking him in his arms again.

“I won't put any pressure on you,” he whispered against his ear. “But please, I'm here. Don't do this to yourself, I... I make probably much worse scenarios in my head than what truly happened. And I know what they could do, trust me,” Jack added.

He pulled back after a minute and ruffled Ianto's hair with a childish smile, so the moment would lose a bit of its emotion. Ianto opened his mouth again, but he still didn't know what to say, so he instead crashed their lips together, trying to say everything he couldn't put words on with that kiss. And Jack responded the same way. And if Ianto had once had doubts about Jack's true feeling, their kiss couldn't lie.

“Okay, _that_ was something,” Jack laughed when they parted, their lips still so close Jack was almost kissing him when talking.

Ianto smiled in response and kissed him again. Jack eventually stepped back and cleared his throat, taking a good look at Ianto's bare chest.

“Hm. Okay. We should probably get back to the team. They'll think we're doing weird things in there.”

“Aren't we, though?”

“Nah, that's not weird. We're just kissing.”

“Sure. You know I could feel you against me, right?”

“Well you didn't put much of a fight, did you? Anyway, why don't you head off there first, I'll be right behind you. Go see Tosh, she'd like to help, and I was on some paperwork, you distracted me enough!”

Ianto laughed and nodded, putting his shirt back on – and maybe putting a bit on a show for Jack – and took the pills Jack was holding as well as a bottle of water. He kissed Jack one last time to thank him and disappeared from the room.

 


	7. Unsaid Things

Jack smiled for himself as he watched Ianto leave, not closing the door behind him. He sat back behind his desk to finish his paperwork, still thinking about Ianto.

 _That had been close to a 'I love you' moment,_ he thought. He didn't know if he was ready for this, maybe only because he had never really said it to a lover. He knew he loved Ianto, he wasn't fucking stupid, he had totally fallen head over heels for the young man a long time ago. He had first thought it was just a protective feeling towards him, the need to help someone who was lonely, abandoned and broken. But it had been two years now, and that wasn't protection. It was love, good old love. Butterflies in the stomach kind of love. Can't stop thinking about him kind of love. Doing stupid things when around kind of love. Having a silly smile when talking to him kind of love.

He nervously laughed as realization hit him, hard. He was really just in love, wasn't he? So why did it seem useless and not important to say it aloud? Why did he feel like it didn't need saying it? Like it would add nothing? Maybe because it wouldn't. Because they both knew it was there. At least, he hoped Ianto knew. His speech earlier sure meant he loved him, right? Unless Ianto thought otherwise? But the kiss had been full of love and affection.

God, why was he even thinking about this?

He sighed and stood up. No need to work if he couldn't read one line straight without thinking about Ianto.

He shivered when he thought of Ianto's scar again, news ideas coming to his mind about how he could have gotten it. Eleven. He had been eleven. God, at eleven he was still running behind his mother's protection when something happened to him. He wasn't so confident about his ability to help Ianto any more.

 

“Come on Team, you got anything?” he asked as he finally joined them. “Someone complaining about powers? Someone in need of help? Any problem in the city? News on anything?”

They all shrugged and Jack sighed.

“There's archiving to do, if you're bored,” Ianto said with a smile. Jack answered in a very responsible and adult way – he stuck his tongue out – and went to Gwen's workstation to see what she was doing. Filling some reports. He went over to Owen, noticing the man hadn't spoken for the day, not even to complain or anything. As he opened his mouth to speak, an alarm rang in the place.

“And what would that be?”

“The security system you bought, so you should know that noise,” Tosh yelled so they could all hear her.

“Yes, thank you, but why?”

Tosh worked her magic on the computer and froze. Ianto, who was still besides her, looked at the screen.

“Someone broke in,” he said, and though Jack couldn't properly hear him, he understood. Ianto and Tosh were the closest to the door, and he was about to protest because Tosh was going that way to lock it, but the door was opened before he could talk. Someone hit Tosh on the head and she fell with a grunt of pain, and before anyone could really do something, the intruder was in the middle, two guns pointing in the right direction to shoot at someone if needed. Jack saw that Owen had drawn out a gun he hadn't seen, and was aiming towards the man as well, but neither of them seemed to be shooting.

“The brother was next,” he said, looking in Jack's direction, who didn't understand a word.

“Owen!” he yelled in response as he watched the man turn to Ianto who didn't seem to be able to move. The gunshot made them all jump.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sorry at all for this end. (But thank you for your comments & kudos! :D)


	8. Stay?

Jack was about to thank Owen for finally shooting, but he could see Ianto from where he was, and his shirt stained with a red spot.

Ianto opened his mouth and looked at the gun, then down at himself. He gasped and raised a hand to his stomach. He was shaking as he looked at the red liquid between his fingers.

“Ianto!!” Jack immediately yelled and, not caring the slightest for the man, not even seeing him, maybe he was already gone, he really didn't care, he ran to Ianto, catching him before he would hurt himself with a tough fall. “Ianto stay with me!”

He pressed his hand on his shirt, where he could clearly see the bullet had entered, and tried to stop the blood from leaving Ianto's body. He heard someone screaming some name, a new gunshot, a loud swear word, and footsteps. But he didn't care as he finally looked at Ianto's eyes rather than his now red shirt. Ianto was looking up at him, and Jack wondered if it felt the same for Ianto, every time he held Jack after he would receive a bullet. The fear, the panic, the incapacity of doing anything useful. The fear. The fucking fear of losing him. He ignored his own tears and pressed his hands even harder as Ianto closed his eyes.

“Ianto please stay with me, please...” he begged, trying to do anything to help him, but failing, and hating himself for this. “I told you, I need you, Ianto!”

Someone sat down next to Jack and put a strong hand on his shoulder. It took him a great deal of courage to leave Ianto's eyes and look up. Tosh smiled to him, her free hand rubbing her head.

“I need my power,” she said, her voice breaking, and somehow, despite the panic and the feeling or losing Ianto, of losing everything, Jack understood what she meant.

He looked down at Ianto again, and begged him to open his eyes. Ianto smiled weakly and opened his eyes.

“Sorry...”

“I don't care, you'll apologize later. For now, I need you to do one more thing. Ianto, please, stay awake. Ianto can you concentrate for a second? We can help you, but please, please stop using your power...”

“It hurts...”

“I know, I know... Please, Ianto...”

When Tosh put her hand back on his arm, Jack moved his hands away from Ianto's wound and clenched his fists on his shirt to prevent himself from touching his face, not wanting to stained his beautiful face with blood.

He couldn't tear his eyes away from his injury, watching Tosh concentrate on it, both her hands on either side of the wound. Quickly, but way too late in Jack's opinion, she managed to pull the bullet out, and sighed, relieved. Gwen arrived right away and pressed something on his wound to prevent it from bleeding, but Jack didn't even look at her as he watched Ianto struggling to stay conscious.

“Help is on its way. Will he be okay?”

Jack didn't answer as Ianto was closing his eyes, and he felt his body relaxing way too much in his arms.

“Ianto!” he whispered, not able to say it louder because his voice seemed to have gone.

He ran his hands up to his neck to find a pulse but didn't manage to get one, and repeated his name again, and again, until he was sobbing it, and Tosh strongly pulled him away as help had arrived, but it was too late, it was too late and Ianto had gone. Jack didn't even fight back, glad Tosh was still holding him because he couldn't stand straight by himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still not sorry. Bye, love love!


	9. Don't Ever Do That Again

“Hey...” a hoarse voice said and even though Jack was half asleep on his chair, he jumped on his feet, almost fell, and went by the bed, taking the closest hand in his and stroking the hair back from Ianto's forehead.

“Hey there, sleeping beauty...” he managed to smile through his tears.

Ianto coughed, and Jack left him alone a second to come back with a glass of water then helped him sit up enough to drink.

“I'm not a fucking princess, Jack,” he grumbled when he could speak normally again.

Jack laughed, relieved, and kissed his forehead, letting his lips linger a bit too long, not entirely realising he was alive.

“God I thought you were dead. Never again, please. I need you, Ianto, I... Just, don't. Okay?”

“I'll try,” Ianto laughed. “What happened?”

“You.... got shot. God, I'm sorry I should have been more careful, I should have taken it for you.”

“Hey, hey... I'm glad you're okay...”

“Always, always,” Jack promised as he kissed his hand.

“What happened next?”

“Owen let his gun fall, it fired randomly. He broke something but we've already replaced it. He ran after the guy with Gwen but they didn't find him. They're all working on it.”

“Did he... Was he the one to hurt Rhi?”

“We believe so.”

“Where is she?”

“She's fine Ianto, don't worry.”

“Does she know...?”

“Yeah. We had an interesting conversation,” Jack smiled. “Sooo... you came out, ugh?”

Ianto swore as he remembered this, then smiled as well.

“I forgot to tell you...”

“It's okay.... Right, I should probably go help them now. The doctors said you'll be fine on your own, and they let us take you back here. Owen is your doctor now, you know he has some training in this. If you're in pain, take these,” he said, pointing his index at a box full of medicines. “You can come in the main room if you want, that's where we'll be, but only if you're feeling good enough. Call me if you need anything, and I mean it. If you don't, I'll take it badly.”

Ianto nodded, not sure he had quite fully understood everything, and Jack sighed, kissing the back of his hand again.

“I thought you were dead. Really. You were unconscious, I couldn't find your heartbeat, and they said a minute later and you would have been... God I'm so sorry, this is my fault. Oh and I should have told you... You slept for four days. I... I'll be next door, okay? You need anything?”

“I'm okay Jack,” Ianto said, not sure he liked this overprotective Jack. “Oh and Jack?” He still called back as Jack was leaving. “I... I love you too,” he confessed after a few seconds of silence. Jack just stared at him open-mouthed.

“I... I'm...”

“You don't have to say it back, you've shown it well enough but... But I really do, you know?”

“Yeah, ugh... I... Yeah,” he nodded, clearly not knowing what to say and maybe freaking out a bit. He drew in a deep breath, trying to organise his thoughts and calm his body down because the words had just made his heart imploded and he felt so good, so much more than good, and, oh, was he blushing? “I... Me too,” he eventually said and, wow, had he just said two words that made sense? He laughed nervously and walked back to Ianto to kiss him lovingly. “Yeah, me too,” he whispered against his lips, but it didn't feel quite right. “I love you too,” he finally said, and this time it felt so right and natural, and why had it taken Ianto almost dying in his arms for them to say it?

 


	10. Open Your Eyes

Ianto didn't move from the bed he was in. He was lost. His life had been weirdest than ever, lately. His back still hurt, and now his recent wound hurt too. He was physically exhausted and if only it was just physical. But no. Having confessed his love to Jack made him feel better, yes, but he couldn't help but wonder if it would change anything between them. And Jack had reminded him that he had come out to his sister which he had totally forgotten. And he hadn't seen her and Jack in the same room for a long time though he wanted them to truly meet. They knew each other, of course, but not with Jack being his boyfriend. And he had missed their first meeting with Rhiannon knowing. Even though she had said she was well aware of Ianto and Jack being together for a while. God it'd probably change nothing, but Ianto was still thinking about it, and felt quite stressed, for no reason, because Jack loved Rhiannon and he knew his sister was quite fond of Jack as well. He was just so lucky to have them both.

And he had almost lost her and facing death had been far less scary than this very moment Jack had told him the police had called about his sister's near death experience. His world had fallen apart and he wasn't sure he would have been able to do anything without Jack's help. The idea of losing Rhiannon had broken him. Not after his parents, not after his entire childhood. He needed his sister.

God why was life so cruel? Hadn't he already given enough away?

And his scar that wouldn't let him alone, burning and scratching and, god, this was painful.

He drew in a difficult breath as panic was building up. Oh no. Not when he was alone. He couldn't have a panic attack right now, this was not happening... It totally was.

He reached out for his phone, only managing to make it fall, and stopped struggling to get it back when he heard footsteps. He was convulsing a little as the person entered the room, and he heard pressed footsteps.

“Ianto what's happening?! Fuck!”

Owen.  
Ianto forced himself to calm down, the hand gripping his shoulder a big help to contain him. As he looked up, he frowned.

“Who are you?” He asked before passing out.

 

“God is he okay?”

“Yes he is.”

“Did the wound re-opened?”

“No it didn't, he just--”

“Does he talk to you?”

“What?”

“About what happened. Does he... I'm sorry, I'm just worried.”

“Not a lot. But it takes time.”

“It's been two years...”

“I still haven't talked about what they did to me, and it lasted only for days, not years.”

“What did they do?”

“It doesn't matter. I can't have any scar, it's easier to forget.”

“But you're lying to yourself. And it's not about scars, what you keep in mind is often way worse than some mark on your body.”

“I just want to help him.”

“You truly do love him, don't you?”

“Of course... I feel like I've been given a chance to have a better life, with him. I didn't have much, before. I just wanted to survive. Now, I want to protect him, and see him happy. And it makes me feel much more alive than just surviving for myself.”

Ianto smiled as he listened to them. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop the conversation between Jack and his sister, but they were talking beside him, and he hadn't enough force to move or talk yet.

“He's totally awake, isn't he?”

“Yup he is.”

“Come on little fucker, open your eyes.”

Ianto chuckled and opened his eyes to wink at Jack who rolled his eyes but couldn't help but flash a big smile. He was relieved to see Ianto was awake. He kissed his forehead and went out to give the siblings some time alone.

 


	11. New Mystery

Rhiannon went out after a long moment, with a weak smile. She sighed when her brother couldn't hear any more and turned to Tosh.

“He wants to see you.”

Tosh nodded and walked to the door. She stopped when she arrived near Rhiannon and put a comforting hand on her forearm.

“It'll be okay.”

“I'm just... Yeah, I know. But I wish it could just... stop, someday,” she admitted sadly.

Tosh smiled and pulled the woman into a hug. She let her leave to go see Ianto, also hugging him when she saw he was trying to sit. She helped him while still hugging him and he chuckled against her cheek.

“Are you okay?” she asked when he was correctly settled.

“Yeah... Thanks to you, I am.”

“You could have asked your sister for this, you know,” Tosh casually said, hoping Ianto would go with it.

“I wasn't talking about this. Though, thank you, I hate spending the whole day like this.”

“You hate just lying in bed, doing nothing? You must be the only one!”

“Yeah, it reminds me... Well,” Ianto sighed. “I just don't like... doing nothing.”

Tosh bit her own lip, mentally swearing because she should have been careful with what she was saying. She sat next to Ianto in an appreciated silence. He eventually looked up at her, then looked down again, and put a shaking hand on her knee.

“I meant it. Thank you, for saving me. You didn't have to.”

“Of course I had!”

“I'm just bringing problems down all of you...”

“It's not true. Ianto, our lives are dangerous, believe me, we were more screwed up without you. I mean, before you came. And I'm glad you're here. Sometimes Owen or Gwen are too much, it's good to have someone like you. And I'll tell you what, Jack deserves some happiness as well. He's really cute when you're around. I mean, he knows how to lead even if you're here, and how to stay serious, but he's happy. And that, Ianto, is a change from the Jack I met.”

“Yeah but...”

“But nothing,” Tosh cut him off. “Ianto, you're one of us. You have been since the day we got you out of... this place.”

“I feel like I've never left it, sometimes.”

Tosh opened her mouth, on the edge of saying something, but she understood the words Ianto had just whispered. She looked at him as he stared at the wall so he had his back on her. He also took his hand away from her knee and clutched his fists on the mattress beneath him.

“What did you... Ianto sweetheart... You're not alone in this, you do realise that?” she asked, her hand ghosting over Ianto's arm without quite touching him. Ianto nodded weakly. “I hadn't realised you... God, Ianto I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?”

Ianto scoffed then repressed a sob with a snort. “I bloody hell don't.”

Tosh sighed and finally put her hand on his arm. She tightened her hold until Ianto would accept to look at her. He was silently crying and Tosh bit on her own lip again.

“You should talk to Jack.”

“Wh...” Ianto began, but didn't finish.

“He knows more about... about this than you think. You... I... Ask him about Gray.”

“Who's Gray?” Ianto asked, frowning.

“Just... Just ask him.”

Ianto scoffed but didn't answer. He sighed after a while and looked at the wall again, lost in his thoughts. Tosh kissed his cheek with a smile and put her head on his shoulder. He said nothing but put his arm around her, smiling for himself. They usually didn't even have to speak to understand each other. Silence was enough for both of them, and they appreciated it once more, relieved with just the other's presence.

Tosh, who hadn't slept well lately – as if something had disturbed her sleep, how strange – felt she was starting to fall asleep but it was already too late for her to gather enough strength to warn Ianto.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wasn't supposed to exist at all, and Tosh barely had a part in this fic originally but my beta loves Tosh, and I noticed how Tosh was genuinely the cutest being in Torchwood, so I needed to write her. Have I mentioned how much my beta loves her?? Also the Gray part was totally unexpected for me, oops I got carried away.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and don't forget we live for comments, to know if we're writing something okay or just bad stuff ;)


	12. Gray

Ianto was supposed to rest. He knew he was. They had come back home for this very purpose, with Jack. But he had already slept way too much in the past few days. Even if seeing his nephews – Rhiannon and Johnny had come with the kids – had probably taken all his strength away. But he loved them even though he had strictly not a single idea of how in the name of God he was supposed to take care of children. Johnny had been kind enough to end his confusion after a while and taken charge of his own children so they could all fully participate to the conversation – without Ianto not listening because David was whispering inappropriate things for a boy of his age in his ear.

They had been able to talk about more serious issues, especially Ianto and Jack's relationship. Ianto had been scared of Johnny's reaction, but other than not really seeing how a man could love another man, he had still understood the feeling. And apart from his occasional jokes he wasn't being homophobic at all, but jokes were part of his character, so Ianto didn't really mind.

And now that they were alone, now that they could actually rest, Ianto couldn't stop thinking about what Tosh had said. Her words had been of a great help, except for that Gray part. He had already heard the name, during his countless nights of just lying in bed, staring at Jack sleeping. Jack sometimes talked in his sleep. Jack sometimes mentioned Gray, but Ianto had always thought it was the colour, or some incomprehensible word rather that Gray.

He sighed, winced as he put a hand on his stomach because sighing sometimes hurt with his wound – a shame, really – and stared at Jack who was doing the dishes, having categorically refused Ianto's help. So he was just standing there, watching him. Ianto ran his hand on his face and clenched his fist in his hair, taking a deep breath.

“Who's Gray?”

Ianto jumped when the mug Jack was holding shattered as it hit the floor.

“Fuck!”

He took a step back as Jack cursed a bit more and collected the broken pieces to put them in the trash. Ianto was shaking, rarely having seen Jack lose control and shout across the room, even only to himself.

“Next time come talk to me instead of Tosh,” Jack snapped after a while.

“I didn't... She just... she told me to...” Ianto stuttered, not really able to justify himself, because was Jack purposely turning his back on him?

“I didn't mean to... I'm sorry,” Jack said after a while, his back still on Ianto. He sighed and turned, his arms crossed on his chest, leaning against the kitchen counter. “I should have told you sooner. But it's... It's just irrelevant. It's not me. Well it's... Can we go somewhere else than the kitchen? I need to sit. And a drink. Want one?”

“I'm fine,” Ianto said as he walked out of the kitchen, letting Jack alone as long as he wanted. He went to the living room and sat on the sofa. He had to sit straight because his back still hurt and his stomach was a pain as well.

Jack joined him after a couple of minutes, a glass of whiskey in his hand even though he hated that – why they even had whiskey in here in the first place was a total mystery – and sat next to him. Not quite against him, like he would usually do – personal space didn't exist when your boyfriend was Jack Harkness – which made Ianto realised he liked it when Jack sat almost on him, now that he didn't. But he didn't say a thing and let Jack sip his drink, wincing at the alcohol.

“Gray's my brother,” he whispered in his glass, between two sips. Ianto didn't answer because he wasn't sure he had heard right. He sure did not recall Jack mentioning a brother, ever. Or a dad. Or even a mother for that matter. “Remember when I said I knew Tosh since my teens? She's the only one to know because I was still depressed when I met her. It's nothing, nothing important. I told you it's just...” he drew in a deep breath and finished the glass in one go. “Really. My father died when I was young, I had a little brother, who disappeared and, yes, it was my fault. We buried an empty coffin,” Jack scoffed. “God that was stupid.”

“What about...” Ianto didn't finish his sentence, not wanting to force Jack into talking.

“My mother let herself die. I've never hated my power more than back then,” he admitted, his eyes down on the ground, his head slightly turned to the side so Ianto wouldn't see him, wouldn't see his eyes and guess everything.

Ianto opened his mouth, then realised what Jack had meant. He didn't need to see Jack to understand. He had hated his power because while his mother had been able to let herself die – he so didn't want to know how – Jack hadn't. More like Jack couldn't. He had tried. He had tried and had hated himself because for some bloody reason he had kept reviving.

“I... I'm sorry,” Ianto whispered, putting a careful hand on his shoulder.

“I'm fine,” Jack said, repressing a sob. “I'm fine now...” He searched for Ianto's hand and put his on it, tightening his hold. Ianto let him do. Jack eventually turned to look at him again and even though he had tears in his eyes, he was smiling. “I really am,” he said more firmly.

Ianto nodded and Jack brought his hand to his mouth to kiss it. Ianto rolled his eyes with a smile that didn't quite reach his ears and pulled Jack into a hug.

“I had no idea. But... If you want to talk. Anytime. I... I'm here,” Ianto said after a while, rubbing Jack's back.

“I know. I know... And I'm here too. I'm... I really could listen to any of your stories.”

Ianto froze for a moment. Bloody Tosh. Of course she had guessed everything. Had she suggested him to ask about Gray so he would have to say something in exchange to Jack? No, she wasn't like this at all. She had just been helping them. She was just trying to make a couple that wasn't at all for talking actually communicate. Ianto smiled again and kissed Jack who was looking at him, probably wondering what he was thinking about.

He would also have to think about what Jack had just said. That was hard. He hadn't thought Jack had had a life as tough as this. Losing his whole family...

 


	13. Are You Okay?

Tosh opened her eyes and her first thought was to suppress the threat. Well, the origin of the noise, because someone had just woken her up by stepping in. Gladly for her, and especially the other person, Owen ducted, the knife going right into the door he was still closing.

“What the hell?!” he instantly yelled.

“I'm sorry, I just... I thought it was someone else.”

“And could you tell me who so I warn him not to go near you, ever?”

“Nobody, just... Someone I wouldn't know. I don't know. I'm sorry, Owen, I guess I'm a bit tensed.”

“Wonder why...” Owen mumbled under his breath. Tosh ignored him and tapped the bed next to her after sitting. Owen shrugged and sat down, his hands full with some paperwork.

“What are you doing here?” She asked after watching him sign something.

“Jack's order, closing the place. They went home for...” he stopped and looked up at her to smile. “Well, we don't want to know that, do we?” he asked with a wink.

“Ewh! Owen you are sick. I don't want these kinds of mental images!” she said, shaking her head to take images of her friends out of her mind.

“I'm just kidding,” he laughed, clearly very proud of himself. “Jack wanted Ianto to rest. And talk to Rhiannon and the kids, and her husband, as Ianto's boyfriend. Which isn't really resting, is it? He stormed out of the closet to his sis', can you believe this? As if she didn't know. The family always does. They just... know if you're queer.”

“Talking by experience?” She asked, seeing how his eyes seemed to focus on something that wasn't here.

Owen kept looking at the wall, lost in some memory apparently, then stared back at Tosh, realising her words. “What? Me? No, I don't really...”

“Do boys?”

“I don't really talk to my family any more,” he corrected her. “I don't really have one, to be honest. Just my mother. Yay.”

“You never talk about your family...” Tosh was impressed and a bit curious, trying not to push him so he wouldn't stop talking, but dying to learn more. Owen rarely ever talked about anything at all.

“I know. I had a big sister. Oh I'm so glad I don't see her any more.”

“Is she... dead...?”

“Wow no, she's not. I mean I don't know, maybe. I really don't mind.”

“Are you okay, Owen? You seem a bit... off, lately. Out of character.”

“Maybe I am,” he sighed.

Tosh just looked at him. What was that supposed to mean? She had noticed he was glancing every two seconds around him, as if waiting for something, anything, to happen to him. Jack had also told her he had had a gun inside the place. Which was unusual, they didn't just wander around with their guns, they never were direct targets. Well, except the other day. But having a gun had changed nothing, so there were no point in having one. They sat in an almost comfortable silence, until Owen took a deep breath after playing with his paperwork for a while. He only sighed, without saying anything. Tosh rolled her eyes, understanding he would not be the first one to talk.

“Wait, are you gay?” She asked, remembering he hadn't really said he didn't like boys.

“What?” Owen laughed, then stopped because Tosh was serious. “I don't know.”

“Really?”

“Actually I do, I'd rather have a girl, no question. But... why choose? I mean some guys are really, _really_ hot,” he shrugged and Tosh did the same with a nod.

“Good point,” she smiled. “Soo... If I say... Jack.”

“Jack? Oh yeah totally. I mean, if he weren't our boss. Or with Ianto.”

“What about Ianto then?”

Owen just shrugged and Tosh laughed, gently hitting his shoulder.

“Oh come on, tell me!”

“We're talking about physical appearance here, right?”

“Just tell me Owen.”

“Ianto is quite handsome, I must admit.”

“Owwh.... But yeah, I agree. How did Jack manage to...”

“Jack is not too bad for the eye, as I've said.”

“True,” Tosh nodded. She lost herself in her thoughts then inhaled. “God, are we really having this conversation?” she eventually laughed, and Owen smiled but didn't answer.

“You did great, you know?” he eventually said, staring at the right corner of the papers he was still holding. “Back then, I mean. When... you know. I was pretty useless. You saved his life.”

“Are you all going to be like this? It's our job, we save each other's asses. No big deal. I did nothing and he almost died, do I need to remind you I got kicked? If I had been less stupid, none of this would have happened. I could have taken his gun or stopped the bullet. I don't know, anything.”

“Hey, hey... You really did great. I'm just glad you're okay. He could have killed you instead of just hitting you.”

Tosh stared at Owen, a small smile on her face. She didn't think she had done that great. Getting hit by a door was pretty lame. And she hadn't really save Ianto's life. She didn't really know, but Owen complimenting someone was weird. It felt weird as well. She shrugged, again, as if it would magically shake the feeling off, and looked away.

“Thanks,” she whispered.

“See? That wasn't that hard to accept a compliment.”

“Was it hard to give?”

“Oh bugger,” he said, and Tosh laughed. Owen laughed with her after a few seconds of fake-irritation.

Laughing felt good, especially with someone Tosh didn't usually laugh a lot with. Sure, they shared funny stories over lunch, they sometimes went to the pub and had a good night, but they rarely ever took the time to talk, to know who the other was. And it felt so right.

“Really, Toshiko, thank you for being here. You really do bring a lot to this team.”

Tosh opened her mouth. Wow, that was beyond compliments now.

“Who are you and what have you done with Owen Harper?”

“I...” Tosh didn't miss the sad look in Owen's eyes, but he soon smiled. “Nothing. I'm fine, I promise you I'm fine. It's just... I don't know, I feel good. For the first time in a while.”

Tosh nodded to let him know she had heard him, but didn't really know how to react. Owen put an end at the awkwardness – not quite away though, as he patted really awkwardly her shoulder before finally standing up – and left the room.

Tosh sighed and watched him leave, not truly understanding what had just happened.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to my beta Moranginette because she loves Tosh and this chapter is for her ;)


	14. Scars From The Past

Ianto opened his eyes as he started to pant. He clenched his fist on his chest, trying to make the throbbing pain go away. He drew in a difficult breath as he rolled on his side, and pushed away the arm around his waist. He sat after a while, shaking and freezing even if his skin was burning him. He rubbed his palms against his eyes and sniffed, trying to stop the images from coming to his mind. After a while, he managed to calm down and slowly lay back on the bed. It took him a couple of seconds to roll on his stomach, his back hurting him again. He had dreamed of that damned place, again. More like relived the moment he had gotten the scar than ran down his spine. But far worse, way more painful. Which was saying something. He had heard his sister screaming along with him, and Jack, calling for his lost brother. His parents had been there too, just standing here, judging him with cold eyes. And the pain, the unbearable pain. Was it going to stop one day?

He wiped the sweat from his face with the sheets and sighed. It looked like he wouldn't get more sleep before the next day. Maybe it was better like this, no more nightmares.

But his thoughts. Him, alone with his thoughts, and weren't the nightmares a better solution? He was still processing what Jack had said about his family. Jack knew what it was to lose a sibling. God, he had probably witnessed the slow burning and death of his mother. And he had tried to kill himself. That sounded like a terrible life. He wondered how Jack managed to stay as cocky and smiling as he was, everyday, every single time someone was around. Was he really still not over it?

Of course he wasn't. He would never be. Especially not since he thought it was his fault. He hadn't said much about it, just added that Gray had been under his watch when he had disappeared, so it sure was his fault. Ianto had tried to say otherwise, but Jack had spent years telling himself the same thing over and over, he wouldn't just listen to Ianto. And maybe it was. Maybe it was a bit his fault. But he had never intended it, he had just been young, scrappy and stupid. His mistake had just taken way more from him than any other. God, that was awful.

 

Ianto closed his eyes when he felt that Jack was awake. He didn't move as Jack kissed his bare shoulder and ran a hand through his hair, but shivered when he put his hand on his back, though carefully avoiding his scar. He froze and Ianto squeezed his eyes shut a bit more.

“I lied,” he sighed. He took a deep breath as the hand disappeared from his back. “They didn't know. Not right away. What my power was, I mean. I had one, but they didn't know what. They... experienced... tried things,” he eventually said, without turning to look at Jack.

“Ianto...” Jack whispered.

“Please. I... I need to... get this all out,” he managed to say, and waited for Jack to say something. He said nothing, so Ianto continued. “They first ran tests with machines but couldn't find anything. Sometimes they were careful, other times they weren't at all. They took all the precautions in the world to try and burn me, see if I could control fire, or freeze me to almost death to see if I could hold the cold,” he shivered as he remembered, and hesitated a second before continuing. “This time, they didn't. One of them was old and had become mad with everything he had seen and he was there this day and running the experience,” he said way too fast, maybe forgetting to breath. “He put me, face down on a table, and I struggled. The last time I really did try to escape. First, he started to do slow cuts and as I wasn't reacting much, he did deep ones.

“The problem was,” Ianto dryly chuckled. “that I was on drugs so I would stop fighting back that much. So of course, I couldn't feel it, not right away. Not with the drugs. When he touched a bone, I felt the pain. It was awful, and everything came all of a sudden, all the pain. He kept going, though I was screaming and crying. He wanted to try. He was persuaded I would heal soon enough. Someone had to pull him away because I was struggling and screaming less and less, because I was slowly dying, bleeding out... That's how I got this one. And that's how they managed to discover my power. They had someone that could heal others. She never got to heal me, because my power was out of control and I was too scared to let anyone approach me. So I kept the scar...”

Ianto eventually turned to look at Jack, who didn't seem to be able to react. He was propped on one elbow, staring down at him, tears running down his cheeks, a look of horror on his face. Ianto put a hand on his right cheek.

“I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I thought I could run away from things. Truth is, I really can't. And I... I need help, Jack. I'm... broken. I don't know how to put it in another way. I'm just... The pain is just awful, and I need... I need you. I'm just trying to survive when all I want to do is live.”

“Ianto I... you...”

“I know. I know, I don't have to go through this alone, I am not alone, you're here if I want to talk and... And it's helping, and I... I love you for that, but... But sometimes it's not enough, you see? It's not... you, or anyone, it's just... Too much to bear. I'm not saying I want to... you know. Just... Sometimes you can't do anything, and believe me, you being here is more than enough.”

“What are you saying...?”

“Just... Don't blame yourself if you can't help me sometimes, okay? Though you always do manage to make me smile, don't you?”

“Part of my charm, I suppose,” Jack smiled, not able to answer something to this.

Ianto nodded and rose up enough to kiss Jack. A chaste but long kiss that Jack only responded to after a while, cupping Ianto's face in his hands. As the kiss deepened, Ianto sighed against his lips and lay back against the bed, not letting go of Jack's lips. He smiled as he brushed his fingers across Jack's ribs, knowing exactly how ticklish Jack was, especially there. Soon enough, Jack grunted, trying to keep himself from reacting, but he pulled back from the kiss to laugh, burying his head in Ianto's neck.

“That's cheating,” Jack whispered in his neck, kissing the skin he found there.

Ianto silently laughed and put his arms around Jack, without tickling him, sighing at the light kisses Jack would occasionally give him. He stopped after a while and just lay there, in Ianto's arms.

When Ianto thought he had drifted back to sleep, Jack started to draw a pattern on his chest, something that looked like an eight. He did it for a long time and Ianto didn't ask what he wasn't saying, knowing he was inwardly struggling.

“Did you... Have you ever thought of ending the pain?”

Ianto was going to shake his head, but took his time to think. He shrugged after reflection. “Yeah,” he finally said.

“Wh-- What happened?” Jack whispered, and Ianto shivered because he could feel his breath against his chest.

“I don't know. I'm a coward, I guess. I almost did, plenty of times, but never truly gathered the courage to do it.”

“It doesn't take courage.”

“I think it does. I'm not saying it's a good solution, but it takes courage. Once, I knocked myself out by hitting my head against the wall,” he scoffed. “It really was stupid, I looked like an idiot. They didn't even have to watch me after that, I was too embarrassed to do anything else. I mean I did get a big bump on the forehead.”

Jack silently laughed on him and Ianto smiled, reassured by the shaking body, liking the feeling. Then Jack was back at drawing the same pattern with his finger, and Ianto put a hand on his. Jack looked up, surprised.

“But to answer you, yes. I did, once. I... You know they put people with powers in my cell so I would suppress their powers? I've never controlled it, not before you. Anyway... One was really, really pissed off. He ignored me. I mean, I was just some useless teen, right? I told him the truth. It's not really killing myself, but putting every chances on my side. I told him his only way out was to kill me as... As I asked you. Unlike you, he tried. I was going to die, but they came in, shoot him so he would stop strangling me, and took me away. They didn't even realise I had been the one asking for this... I gave up after a while... I couldn't bring myself to do it again, I still wanted to see my family again, or even the world...”

“I'm glad you couldn't,” Jack whispered against his neck, as he had looked away at some point, not able to look Ianto in the eye as he was saying those things.

“I'm glad too,” he said, kissing his hair.

“Is your back okay...?”

“Yeah. It's bearable, don't worry,” Ianto nodded, tightening his grip on Jack, not wanting him to move away. “Jack... What about you?”

Jack stilled against him and for a moment, Ianto thought he would ignore him or stand up and leave. But he sighed and shook his head.

“Tosh told me to stop. I did.”

“I don't understand?”

“I've tried. Oh God I can't even begin to count them... Tosh was a good friend already, and one time I woke up and she was here. And yeah I didn't just wake up, I came back to life. She was just standing there, in shock. She asked me to never do this to myself again. I haven't since.”

“Why? I mean if you don't want to talk about it...”

“She was just trying to help, and even if I thought about it a couple more times... I will never forget the look on her face, the worry, disappointment, disgust, bitterness, sadness, contrariety, fear... She was scared of me, and not only what I had just done. You know Tosh, she's the kindest person I've ever met, and it just... broke me to see her like this. Especially because it was my fault. I just...” he took a moment to think, not knowing what word would best fit. “stopped,” he finally said, even though it wasn't enough to express what he felt.

“I always thought you were like a father to her.”

“Oh I clearly ain't. She's like a sister to me. A big sister. I can't physically die so I can protect her if needed. But she's got all the brain and the... the love I needed. Wow, she really did save me, from everything, even myself, I've never thought about it that way.”

“It's kinda cute.”

“She's the sweetest.”

“Yeah, she is...” Ianto nodded. It probably was the thing they best agreed on. Everyone agreed on this point.

They remained silent for a while, just enjoying each other's presences. Until Jack laughed.

“Sorry I didn't mean to...”

“What's so funny?”

“For a couple that doesn't talk a lot, we do have some pretty deep conversations lately...”

Ianto didn't answer, taking his time to consider the statement. “True,” he admitted with a smile.

“Anything else you want to talk about? Now is the time.”

“I think that's enough for now.”

Jack laughed and nodded against Ianto's bare chest. He ran his hand down his body, carefully avoiding the too recent injury and smiling when Ianto shivered and tried not to react to the touch, to rest it on his waist. He kissed his shoulder and cuddled closer, if possible.

“It feels good. Talking to you,” he said in a whisper. “I really do love you, you know? ... Oh you bastard.”

Jack sighed as he noticed that Ianto had already fallen asleep. He needed to rest, and Jack was glad he eventually did it, but he could have waited until he was done talking at least!

 


	15. Why?

Owen yawned as he got out of his car. Oh boy, he was so tired. He hadn't properly slept in a while, not since he had received the letter. He would usually wander in Cardiff, find a good shag for the night, and go to work the next day. But it was already late, as he had waited for Tosh to leave to eventually close their place, and he wasn't really in the mood for a quick shag. He had thought that talking to Tosh would help him somehow. But it just made everything so much harder. He had thought that if she knew what he truly thought – that she was amazing and bringing a lot to the team – he would feel better. And maybe he would have been able to tell the truth, or run away. Except it didn't. He felt worse, so worse. He genuinely cared for Tosh, and the team. He didn't want to abandon them, he didn't want to run away. And he didn't want them to find out about him.

He was tired, and his reflexes were pretty much dead, and he really was just exhausted. He didn't want to fight any more, he didn't want to run any more. He just wanted everything to stop annoying him. So when the hand closed on his arm, he didn't fight back. He let the man drag him to a car, let him hit him. He let unconsciousness take him because it felt much safer and a better option than struggling to live.

 

He still woke up with a panicked gasp, panting as he remembered he had been... well, kidnapped, it seemed. As he was tied up to a chair, it really felt like a kidnapping. He sighed and tested the knot, but only managed to burn his skin against the rope. It was tight, too tight.

Soon enough, someone entered the room with a chair that he dragged lazily, the feet on the floor, doing a hell lot of noise. Owen winced but as he was the one tied up, he didn't really say anything. The man smiled, put the chair backwards and sat, his arms on the back of the chair. He pouted then sighed, then did a weird noise, and Owen frowned, not sure what this meant. And not really pleased with the man's presence.

“So... Miss me?” he asked after a while.

“Not really, no,” Owen snapped.

“I know. You know you could never have escaped us? I mean, we did tell you we'll let you after that 'last' murder,” the man said, doing the quote marks with his fingers. “But, really, we wouldn't have let you go.”

“What?”

“Well, you know. You just needed to be back on track. If you had killed a relative of one of your... friends, you would have been ready to get back with us. Except you didn't. Why? You've never been one to care, if I recall correctly.”

“You... bastards!” Owen yelled as he struggled against the knot. “You had no reason! I almost killed someone for no fucking reasons!”

“Of course we had, I just told you.”

“She asked for nothing and is just living her life!”

“Yeah, yeah. I know. So annoying. Living your life, how _boring_ ,” the man almost spat, disgusted. “But you, oh you... you can do so much more than just... life, you know?”

“You are a sick man, Arthur.”

“Oh come on! We had good times here. You know, you're the one who came back home,” the so-called Arthur said childishly.

“This has never been my home!”

“We _did_ save your life.”

“Yeah, then you blew me up. Thanks for that.”

“But that's not exactly true, is it?”

“Ugh... Yes it is.”

“Well, okay, it is. But you survived... _Owen_ ,” he let the name linger and Owen grunted.

“Fuck you.”

“What? You don't like that name? Would you rather be called Ethan?”

“Fuck you,” Owen repeated.

“Oh you know I'd gladly fuck someone here, and that's not myself,” Arthur smiled. “So, you could have shot me the other day. Why didn't you?”

“Is this why you're doing this? 'Cause you're so deeply in love with me?”

Arthur laughed and leaned on, the chair balanced on only two feet. As he was already close to Owen, it allowed him to put his face only inches from him.

“Oh but you would love that, wouldn't you?” he whispered, too close to his ear for Owen to keep a steady breath. “You remember? How good it was? How you liked it? Because I do. And boy, you felt so great,” he said and kissed Owen who didn't respond but didn't pull back. “Yeah, I miss that,” Arthur admitted, kissing him again. This time Owen responded despite himself. Their tongues met and battled for dominance and Arthur won, because he always did. He pulled back with a nervous laugh. “Yeah, definitely. You were good. But that wasn't really love, Ethan. It was sex. Really good sex, I have to say, but still, just sex, you know?”

Owen moved forward when Arthur put his chair back on his four feet again. Owen closed his eyes and mentally cursed himself for still wanting Arthur after all this time. It wasn't his fault. Arthur was what he liked, green eyes, dark hair, a rare but cute smile when he was happy. A creepy one when he wasn't, like right now, but God, even this was sexy. Trying to ignore what he felt for the man, Owen changed the subject.

“Did you... Did you at least shoot Ianto for a reason?”

“I clearly didn't. It was fun, you know? And I loved seeing you with a gun but not even able to shoot me. You didn't answer me, by the way. Why didn't you?”

“I'm not a killer,” Owen spat.

Arthur laughed. A forced, too loud laugh.

“Yeah, sure. We both know this isn't quite the truth, you know? Do you even know the number of lives you've ruined?”

“I don't care.”

“See? You could come back with me. I'd have to be your tutor for a while, though. It could be fun.”

“Two hundreds and twenty-one.”

“What?”

“I've killed eighty-two persons, and ruined two hundreds and twenty-one lives. Husbands, wives, children, parents, best friends... I've given four years of my life for this and I'm not fucking proud of this. So why? Why are you doing this? I have to live with this number everyday of my life and trust me, I don't need you lot to think about it. So tell me why, why you're so keen on ruining what I've built since I left?”

“You didn't leave! _I_ let you leave! _I_ fucking let you live! You're the one who came back, you're the one who... you... Maybe I did, you know?” Arthur scoffed after a hesitation.

“Did what?”

“Like you. Even love you. I don't know, okay? Because you were... you just were here and we were fucking good, and sex was fucking great, and we were good partners, the missions were so easy and... They ordered me to kill you, you know? I didn't. I fucking didn't because... Because I was starting to feel something, and that was the first time in my life, and fuck, that felt so great sometimes but so... so _painful_. I blew the thing up. I knew you would survive. I just didn't... I didn't think...” Arthur sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. “I'm sorry. This is the only kill I am sorry about, you know?”

Owen stared at him, taken aback. He hadn't expected this. Especially not from someone like Arthur.

“I was young and fuck, I fell for you. Hard. But we can't. Not in this job. Maybe that's why I shot that guy.”

“Ianto,” Owen said, unable to remain silent as he had said 'guy' with such disgust, and Ianto was Owen's friend. He had to defend him...

“Whatever. You like him, don't you?”

“Wait? What?” Owen scoffed then really laughed. “Ianto? He's totally in love with... with...”

“Yeah, Jack, I've been spying on you lot, you're not protecting him by not saying his name, you know?”

“So how in the name of God did you come to the conclusion that _I_ was attracted somehow by Ianto?”

“You're stupid, aren't you? You don't even realise it. You think you hate him, sometimes. But you truly do love him. He's the one you look after the most.”

“What the hell are you... Okay I give up,” Owen sighed. He hated when people read through lines that didn't exist.

“You took a bullet for him once. You would have never done that before.”

“Yeah? Well, big news, I've changed.”

“Or you're in love.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever pleases you.”

“I knew it!”

“Arthur just... Oh God you haven't changed.”

“I actually did, you know?”

“You know what? I didn't fucking miss your 'y'know's. Can you hear yourself? For fuck's sake it's too much, stop saying this!”

Arthur suddenly stood up and hit Owen. They stilled, Arthur panting, his fist still in mid-air, Owen with his face turned to the side because of the punch, an unwelcome taste of blood in his mouth.

“You could have chosen any other face. I wouldn't have come after you. But you chose his. You fucking chose the one I can't... You... Fuck you,” he snapped and left the room.

Owen coughed and spat some blood. He winced when he tested his teeth with his tongue, one half gone. That explained the blood. Well, Arthur knew how to punch, that hadn't changed.

He didn't know what to do. He was playing the smartest with Arthur but he knew his life was at stake. And he had no fucking idea of how he could get himself out of this situation. He had been joking around when he was younger. He had flirted with Arthur and they had ended up sleeping together once. Then another. And another. And it had been convenient and pretty good, so Owen had let himself enjoy the moment. But he hadn't been in love, he had never felt anything else than a deep desire for Arthur, but only physically. And he would have never thought Arthur could have fallen for him. He actually thought nobody could fall for him, he just wasn't the kind to settle down, and he was a bit of a jerk most of the time. Well. That sounded exactly like Arthur.

Arthur was back before he could even begin to think of an escape plan. He was dragging a table this time, and set it in front of Owen with a creepy smile that wasn't sexy at all now.

“I want to speak to Ethan, so I'm getting to him. Oh and I've changed too, you know? I'm not stupid any more, I'm not young any more... Best of all, whatever I might have felt, I don't any more,” he said, hitting the table with his hand for no particular reason if not to startle Owen.

Owen threw an alarmed look at the table, only noticing now what was on it. He was going to torture him. When had he become a torturer? That wasn't the right question. Owen struggled against the rope, grunting at the pain and at what would soon come. Fuck, he needed to get out of here.

 


	16. Who Is He?

Tosh swore under her breath as she read what was on the screen.

“Everyone! Jack!” she yelled through the room and soon enough the whole team was by her workstation. Minus Owen, who hadn't come in this morning.

“What do you have?” Jack asked with a hand on her shoulder.

She inhaled and pointed her screen.

“I didn't find anything with the fingerprints from here, but I noticed the ones at Rhiannon's place were different. I found nothing for them too, so I expended the research. I... I found a match. Deleted files, but I managed to recover them.”

“But...? It sounds like there's another but.”

“He's dead.”

“Good,” Ianto said, and Jack threw him a worried look.

“He has been for eight years.”

“Not good,” Ianto said, and Jack shook his head with a roll of his eyes. “What happened?”

“He was a scientist, or something like that. I don't know. He died in an accident. The place went kaboom.”

“You are both starting to scare me, stop talking about death like this,” Jack interrupted her.

“Maybe he had a power, like the one Jack has?” Gwen asked with a shrug.

“I don't think he... Look, there's something else. They were two in the explosion. One survived.”

“You think we can go ask him a couple of questions?”

“That's the 'something else' I was coming to. The other one... It's Owen.”

The silence that fell was heavy and Tosh coughed so she wouldn't choke with discomfort.

“Where is he?” Jack asked after a while, not really knowing what to do with these informations. Was Owen related somehow to the attempted murder on Rhiannon? And on Ianto as well?

“I don't know, he went home last night, I haven't seen him since. He was acting odd lately...”

“Track his phone. Or earpiece. Or car. Or anything you can.”

“On it,” she said as she got back to her computer.

“Gwen, find whatever you can on... What did you say his name was?”

“I didn't. Ethan Wallace, I'll send you the name.”

“Good, Gwen you do that. Ianto you...” Jack said, turning to Ianto who hadn't moved and was staring at the screen, his fists clenched. “Are you okay?”

“Show me a picture,” he eventually said in a whisper, and everyone stopped to look at him. Tosh snapped back to reality and quickly put a picture on the screen. They all froze.

“Bloody hell,” Gwen said.

“Is that...” Jack started, not sure how to end his sentence.

“Owen.”

“I... They must have switched the two photos.”

“Show me Owen Harper,” Ianto ordered and Tosh obeyed.

Ethan Wallace looked like the Owen they knew while Owen Harper looked like... Someone they had never seen. Though, looking at it, Tosh was sure she had already seen the face somewhere.

“I know him,” Jack said, pointing at Owen... who wasn't their Owen. Wow this thing was complicated. “But from where?” he asked, forming Tosh's thoughts aloud.

“The son of a bitch...”

Everyone turned to Ianto, again, who had never ever talked like that before.

“You know something we don't?” Jack asked, concerned.

“He was there the whole time. He w... You have someone who can change his face whenever he wants and you've never even checked?!”

“What do you mean?”

“Owen is Ethan, isn't it obvious enough?!”

“Well... No... That... Ethan could have survived.”

“They found a body! And that doesn't explain why Owen Harper has this face and Ethan Wallace has Owen's face. I mean, the one we know. Tosh is there anything more?”

Tosh weakly shook her head. She had stopped typing and had to steady herself by grabbing the table not to fall. Gwen besides her fell to the ground.

“Ianto! Ianto calm down,” Jack said, holding him by the shoulders.

“What?!” Ianto snapped.

“Gwen is about to pass out, I'm not sure Tosh can hold much longer and I can't fucking breath. Your power, Ianto.”

Ianto opened his mouth then closed his eyes, trying to calm himself. Jack glanced at Tosh, worry in his eyes, and she nodded, so he took Ianto by the hand to drag him into his office.

Tosh let go her breath she hadn't realised she was holding, and crouched next to Gwen, putting a hand on her arm.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah... Does he even realise how easily he could just... I don't know, do anything.”

“I don't think he does. He wasn't even aware he was using it...”

“Isn't this what's scary though?”

“You're scared of him?”

“Hell yeah I am!” Gwen nodded. “Who wouldn't be?”

“True,” Tosh agreed. She sighed as she helped Gwen on her feet. “But as long as Jack's here it's okay.”

“What if one day someone takes him? How are we supposed to calm Ianto down?”

“I... I don't know Gwen, I suppose he'd do anything to find him, and he'd need us. I think he can control his power, he just... doesn't train much. Jack told me he wasn't really sure it was safe for him. I think he's really concerned... Anyway, when the time comes, I'm sure he'll do just fine. Let's find Owen, shall we?”

“Yeah... If that's his name...”

“You think...?”

“You heard Ianto... I don't know what I think.”

“Let's just find him, okay?” Tosh smiled and Gwen nodded, going to her computer.

 


	17. Beyond Saving

“What do I have to do?” Arthur spat out. His eyes had changed, his amusement gone, replaced by anger and something close to madness.

“Already giving up?” Owen smiled.

“Just go back to normal or I'll take your eyes off!”

Owen sighed and let go, not wanting to lose an eye just to piss off Arthur. The man smiled when he saw a face he knew way more than the previous one, and took a handful of hair.

“Now we can talk. Simple questions. You seem to like this new team of yours. Do you want to join me?”

“Go to hell.”

“Right...”

“Where are the others by the way?”

“Oh. That. Well. Maybe not so here any more. Maybe I killed them all.”

“What the...” That was unexpected. Owen had suspected Arthur was alone in his mad plan as he referred to himself rather than a group, most of the time. Had he really killed all the others?

“Not really. I mean, some of them, you know? But... yeah basically we were dead. I mean the organisation was dead. A lot left. I killed the ones I could. We're bad. We were bad. I mean, killing people? Tutut. Bad.”

Owen stared open-mouthed at him – though he closed it soon enough because he was bleeding – not understanding.  
“Then why did you want me to...”

“Kill someone? To see who you were. I... I wanted us to be back together. But you can't, you can't... you won't...” he said, pressing his forehead against Owen's. And he understood. He had gone mad. He was just completely crazy and dangerous for himself and especially the others. “I didn't mean to... I didn't want to kill him... He was kind, you know? He was so kind. And you took his face, Ethan, God you took his face and I couldn't bear it. I loved you and you took the only face I couldn't look in the eye.”

“You're fucking insane! All of this just to... just to what exactly?”

“We needed to stop... The pain is constant, it's just... Killing is bad. You know? You know, Ethan? They made me kill people, they never asked, they ordered me to kill you, you know?”

He was whispering against Owen's face now, breathing in his mouth, and it was uncomfortable and disturbing for Owen who almost headbutted Arthur but couldn't bring himself to do so. The man was in pain, he was broken, probably mentally ill by now. He had seen too many horrors and hadn't been able to survive them. Not sanely, anyway. Arthur pulled back, ruffling Owen's hair as he took a step back. He forced him to turn his head to the side while he carefully picked up a knife from the table after a false hesitation – seriously it was the only bloody thing on the table – and ran the blade along Ethan's face.

“Arthur you don't have to...”

“But I want to, you know?” He whispered against his ear and bit down at the skin, Owen shouting at the sudden pain.

“Don't you fucking eat me!”

“Shut up! You're in no position to talk,” Arthur snapped and abruptly stabbed Owen's thigh. Owen yelled, struggling against the hand on his jaw and the knot on his hands, and Arthur half sitting on his laps. He cried out when his torturer removed the knife, making the wound bleed freely.

“Stop... please stop... not again...” Owen begged as he felt the knife against his right cheek. He turned his head to the other side but Arthur violently pulled him back where he wanted him to be, pressing the blade a bit more against his skin, but without cracking it. Not yet.

Owen didn't know what to do. He had already endured his torture for God knew how many minutes – it had felt like hours – and he had thought it'd be over. He already had completely lost a tooth, both his hands were numb because of the too tight knot, he knew his wrists were bleeding from the ropes burning his skin, Arthur had cut him deeply on the right forearm earlier, and now his left thigh was bleeding.

Owen closed his eyes, convinced he was going to die anytime soon. But Arthur actually stepped back to crouch before him. Owen winced and flinched when he put his hands on him, more precisely on his belt. He removed it in a second and Owen gasped, not knowing what was coming but fearing the worst. But Arthur only forced him to raise his left leg, then put the belt beneath. He secured it around his thigh and tightened it, Owen grunting at the feeling. At least he would stop bleeding. Soon... And for now.

“So... You still don't want to come with me?”

“Art' I... I'm not this any more.”

“Too bad.”

“I've changed. You could too...”

“You didn't. One never changes, you know? I've tried and like you I failed.” Owen shook his head and looked down at Arthur. “Stop,” he said, frowning when he realised his prisoner had taken Owen's face again. Even beaten up, he could see the differences.

“That's who I am now. I... I escaped for a reason. And you never told them, did you? You let them believe I was dead, right? If nobody came in all these years, it's because nobody knew.”

“Nobody asked, you know?” Arthur said, resting on his heels, still kneeling on the floor. “They knew what we were, you and me. They just told me to murder you and they never bothered asking if I even wanted to.”

“It was your job. And you were good at it, they didn't think you would care.”

“But I did. And you did. Others did. But it doesn't change who we are, Ethan. We're still killers.”

“You don't get it, do you? Arthur, you can change, you just have to want it... and get help.”

Arthur didn't reply and for the first time since he had opened that bloody letter, Owen had hope. He could help him. He could show him, he could see that not everything nor everyone was lost. That someone could change. Because as much as he said otherwise, sometimes he felt as if he had never changed.

But he had. He had changed. He had friends now. Friends with a very bad timing. Because just when he thought Arthur could be saved, the door was violently opened and before he could say anything, Jack had fired. Owen stared open-mouthed at Arthur who fell forwards, on Owen's legs. Gwen and Tosh followed Jack in, wincing at the sight of Owen as he was in a pretty bad state. He snapped back to reality when Jack lowered his gun.

“Jesus, Jack! He was just lost! We could have helped him!”

“You don't have a word to say in this," Jack instantly snapped.

“You just... killed him!”

“He...”  
“Shut the fuck up!” a voice cut them.

“Ianto, I told you to wait ou--”

“Shut up!” Ianto yelled, raising a hand. Jack stopped. Not that he wanted to, but he wasn't sure he was able to talk.

He saw Gwen and Tosh sitting on the floor and wanted to go to them but Ianto was walking towards Owen and Jack wasn't sure of what he could do. As he stopped, Owen's face changed in another face. What they had seen to be Ethan Wallace's face.

“You were there! You almost killed her!” Ianto shouted, then hit Owen – or Ethan or whoever he was – in the face.

Owen grunted, spatting even more blood. He had never been hit by Ianto and would have rather stayed like that. He wasn't that much imposing, but he knew how to properly punch. And that hurt. And he hadn't felt this shitty and this weak for a long time, not only because of the blood loss or tiredness, but because Ianto wasn't controlling his power at all and Owen could almost feel it coming out of him in waves. Waves of pain for him. Ianto really was scary. And out of control...

“Ianto...” Jack called but Ianto seemed to be out of reach.

“Say it.”

“Wha... why?”

“I want you to say it. All those times I saw this face, I thought it was because my power was confusing you and that yours was going crazy so you were changing faces. Randomly. I felt sorry for you and I did everything I could to stop doing this. You lied. You fucking lied to our faces! What was real in all this? WHY DID YOU TRY TO KILL RHI'?!” Ianto blurted out.

“Ianto it hurts!” Jack tried again to snap the young man back to reality and what was around him. His friends, in pain. Because of him.

“I know! And I don't care!” he shouted to Jack then stared back at Owen. “Just say it!”

“I was supposed to kill her. But I didn't,” Owen admitted, looking at Ianto in the eyes. "And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied, and I'm sorry I scared her. And I'm sorry I... I'm sorry, okay? But please, don't do this. Tosh and Gwen asked for nothing, and Jack is just trying to help."

Ianto seethed, and Jack just nodded. He then put a hand on his arm, pulling a bit, just to be sure he wouldn't kill Owen right on the spot. Ianto freed himself violently, and turned his back on the men. He breathed slowly in, threw a look at the girls, and stormed out of the room.

“You both okay?" Jack asked Tosh and Gwen who nodded as they walked towards them.

Jack sighed as he finally cut the rope around Owen's wrists with an apologetic look.

“Help will be here soon... are you okay?" Gwen asked, helping Owen to sit straight because he almost fell forwards once free. He nodded his thanks with a small smile, relieved.

“I'm sorry about him,” Jack said with a nod to Arthur's body. “But he was beyond saving... and I should talk to Ianto. He's going through a lot lately, I...”

“Just go Jack. I deserve this.”

“We'll talk. Soon,” Jack said and it sounded a lot like an order.

Owen sighed and Jack disappeared. He looked at Gwen who was avoiding any eye contact then at Tosh who seemed to be heavily judging him with mixed feelings going through her eyes. He could see her fear and disappointment but also an ounce of worry and maybe some affection.

Then she looked away and tried to help with his wounds, and they sat in a very uncomfortable and awkward silence.

 


	18. Thank You

“Jack, he tried to kill her.”

“But he didn't... Look... Just hear what he has to say, okay?”

That's what Jack had said, an hour earlier. They hadn't talked since then. He still didn't know if Ianto was up for listening to Owen-Ethan, but he was still waiting with them at least. Even Gwen and Tosh hadn't talked once they had arrived, which was unusual for the team. Jack had been waiting for hours, pacing in the hospital's corridor. They wouldn't let them see Owen yet so they had to wait. He had sat at some point, then a woman had entered with her child and he had let them his chair. So he was pacing again. He hadn't slept at all, he knew Ianto hadn't really as well, they had just been staring at the wall without talking. Things weren't bad between them, but the thing with Owen wasn't really helping. And none of them had had the time to process the new informations they had learnt on the other. Ianto's painful memory, even if Jack had known it wouldn't be happy fluffy unicorns, it still asked for a bit of reflection. To know if Jack would ever be qualified to help him. He wasn't sure he was, but he sure would give it a try. And Jack had told him about his family and Gray, things even Gwen or Owen didn't know. Only Tosh, good, faithful, so human and so kind Tosh. He wondered how she was taking it. He knew she liked everyone single one of them very much, that they all were her family, but he also knew Owen had already been more. She had stared at him as something more than a friend at some point, but it had disappeared from her eyes. Either she had realised it and stopped, or she didn't feel the same any more.

As Jack knew Ianto very well, he opted for the first choice. Because Ianto and Tosh both were very good at hiding things and Jack was almost certain Ianto had already helped Tosh hiding her feelings. He didn't know why he thought that, but he had this mental image of the two quietest of the team exchanging tips on how to make themselves the smallest possible.

He almost chuckled at the thought, but just then a doctor came and told them Owen was awake and that they could see him. Those who weren't already standing rose in a second and they all walked silently to the room, ignoring the doctor's advice not to suffocate Owen with their presence. Four in a small hospital room was a lot.

 

As they entered and took place in silence, Jack noticed how Ianto stood by the door, glaring angrily at Owen, how Gwen stood next to Owen's bed looking at the floor, and how Tosh sat in the chair by Owen's bed and took his hand in hers. She stared at their joined hands to avoid his eyes while he glanced at her, surprised. Jack himself stood at the end of the bed, his hands on it, trying to suppress any emotion from his face.

Nobody talked, which was probably the worst for Owen. He would have expected shouts and accusations and shock or even another blow from Ianto. But nothing. Ianto looked the more uncomfortable except for the man lying in the bed, he was crossing and uncrossing his arms on his chest and sometimes breathing heavily. Jack shot him a worrying look that Ianto didn't return, his eyes glued to Owen. Jack sighed and looked back at his injured employee.

“I guess you figured out most of it,” Owen finally said, looking at Ianto, then away.

Ianto opened his mouth but said nothing, and the others nodded or shrugged.

“I... I'm sorry. I lied about a lot of things concerning my past... My name, where I come from... It's just... I changed and I... It's no excuses, I know. Anyway,” he took a big inspiration. “I was young when I started getting into trouble. I just wouldn't stop. One day I pissed off the wrong people, and they helped me. They fucking saved me, to be honest. It's just 'they' or 'the organisation', no names, no questions asked. They hired me, didn't give me much of a choice even if I didn't realise it back then. My job was simple, killing people who had done bad things. I didn't really mind, I really owed them my life, until I realised most of them were innocent people. People with families and friends and a life and I had no right to take that away from them. I left the organisation.

“Except it didn't work like that, did it?” he nervously laughed. “I was trying to do things better with a friend when I... we... Well, the place we were working in exploded. We were only two, and he... And Owen died. He was my best friend, had been since high-school, he had lost his father and wasn't really talking to his mother any more, he had witnessed my fall to the darkness and had done everything to help me. And he had, you know? Helped me. Put me back on the right track. And just like that he... he was dead.”

“So you took his identity,” Ianto snapped, unable to contain himself.

“Yes, I did,” Owen said as he looked at him in the eyes. “He was kind, and he was my friend, but they didn't care. I couldn't keep living as... as Ethan, so I took his identity. He was too burnt for anyone to tell the differences between the two of us... My name was Ethan Wallace, but I... I became someone else, I'm not... Oh God I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lie, but it was too much...” He started to cry but took a deep breath to calm himself, and the tears were gone.

“What about Arthur?” Jack asked, hoping it would help to think about something else, and needing to know who he had killed the previous day.

“Arthur was a...” Owen hesitated. “He was my boyfriend. Sort of. We were just playing around. I mean we were shagging and... I guess we were boyfriends, yeah, but I've never really felt any kind of love for him, not in this place. He did, though, he told me he had been in love with me for a while and...” he sighed again. “He was working for them too, but he had been raised there. I... I think I was the only person keeping him sane at some point... I left him there, I didn't really care, I hadn't realised he liked me that much. Anyway, he was the one to... to kill Owen. He liked him, and he didn't mean to, I was his target, not... not Owen. He didn't tell the organisation I wasn't really dead. And he went crazy after that.. Too many killings, I guess...”

“Do you know?” Ianto asked. He seemed to be the only one able to talk.

“What?” Owen looked at him again, confused.

“Do you know how many? How many people you've killed? How many lives you've destroyed?”

“Ianto that's enough,” Jack said, and anger and sadness could be heard in his voice. Ianto clenched his fists and eventually looked at Jack.

“I do,” Owen said before they could argue. They shouldn't argue because of him. “I do... And I never forgot anyone, and I have to live with that number, everyday.”

“How many?” Jack asked this time. He didn't want to know but he needed to. How many lives one of his own had ruined?

“Two hundreds and twenty-one,” he confessed aloud for the second time in less than twenty four hours. He didn't move when Gwen ran out of the room and Tosh let go of his hand. Jack just stared at him, and Ianto seemed to hesitate to go after Gwen but didn't move.

“Why her?” He finally asked, the question burning his lips since he had understood Owen had been the one in Rhiannon's house that night.

Owen sighed, well aware of who he was referring to. “Arthur sent a letter with her name. I thought it was them, and that I still had a final debt to pay. They threatened my mother, so I had to do it. But I... I couldn't bring myself to do it. I really did change and... I liked my life, I like the lot of you, and I didn't want to ruin that, even if it meant dying. I didn't know Arthur was acting alone.”

“What happened to the organisation?” Jack asked, professionally. No emotion in his voice this time.

“Dismantled. Arthur killed some. The others are gone I don't know where. It doesn't exist any more. It really isn't a threat.”

“You didn't answer my question,” Ianto said, quieter than before.

“Arthur wanted us to be back. He wanted to know if I could, and for that he ordered me to kill someone dear to one of my friends.”

“So now I'm your friend?” Ianto scoffed. Jack rolled his eyes, knowing Ianto had never believed Owen saw him as more than an unwelcome presence most of the time.

“You've always been, though I'm rubbish at showing it. And I care for my friends. I couldn't do that to you, you just have lost so much, and I can understand that... Even when Arthur threatened my mother, I still couldn't do that to you. To an already broken person.”

“So you were honest about your mother...” Tosh eventually said with an unsteady voice.

“I've always have been. Just not... Over some points. But yeah, I do have a big sister, and my mother, but they both think I'm dead. I'm just keeping an eye on my mother from a distance. Though, I really don't care about my sister.”

“I'm sorry I,” Tosh said as she stood up. “I should go see Gwen.”

And she disappeared of the room. Jack looked at Ianto who had only moved from the door when Gwen had left the room, and was still staring at Owen, a hand in his pocket. Jack frowned when he noticed his other hand was shaking. He had never seen Ianto so pissed off. He then realised that Owen – Ethan, whatever, he was still Owen for him – had his usual face on, which meant that Ianto was controlling his powers despite the situation. It made him smile, just as Ianto was looking at him. He looked away and put his other hand in his pocket so Jack would not see him shaking. Jack stared back at Owen who hadn't talked or moved.

“I'm sorry,” he sighed again. “I know I don't deserve anything from you, especially not forgiveness, but...”

The sound of the door being slammed shut made him jump even if he had seen Ianto opening it right before. He stared at it for a second then shook his head. Jack studied him and sighed when he saw the look of defeat on his face. He walked to the side of the bed and sat on it.

“I can't promise anything for Ianto,” he said with a small smile.

“Yeah... I really am sorry, you know? I didn't mean to hurt him. I didn't mean to hurt any of you. And lie. But it's just... I really did become someone else, and that... that Owen, it's me now.”

“I know. Believe me, I get the feeling, and I get why you did it. But you hurt Rhiannon. I don't think Ianto really mind being shot at. I mean of course he does, but you almost killed the only family he has left.”

“I know, I know... And I feel like shit for this. And she is so sweet... But... I don't know Jack, I don't know what to do. I have nothing left. I have nothing other than Torchwood.”

“Make it up to Ianto. Make it up to Tosh, and Gwen. Make it up to me.”

“What...? Jack...”

“This is what you wanted me to give Arthur, isn't it? A second chance. Take it for him. He was already lost, but I believe you're not. Not yet. And I'm not ready to lose you.”

“Jack...” Owen whispered, tears in his eyes.

“I can't promise anything for anyone, actually. But I know they'll try. Tosh will be the first, she has already half forgiven you. But, Owen?” he asked, standing up and leaning on, his face against Owen's so he could talk against his ear. “If you hurt her more than this, I will blow your head off myself.”

With that, Jack straightened up and hid a satisfied smile at the brief look of horror that passed Owen's eyes. He waited for him to nod and turned his back to exit the room. He turned again to look at Owen who was staring at his shaking hands, trying to hold back his tears.

“Last thing. You'll always be Owen for us. We don't want someone else,” Jack said, and smiled, as a father would to his son who had just been foolish, when he noticed that Owen was really crying now.

He opened the door and didn't answer even if he heard the “Thank you” Owen murmured.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I don't have much to say but still wanted to thank the few of you that followed this story :) I'm quite proud of it because it's pretty long, for me, and I took it where I wanted it to be! It's quite an open-ending, but... well i don't have any explanation, it's just an open-ending haha  
> And thanks to Moranginette who put up with my complaining and laziness and tried to correct mistakes she saw :D


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